it's sort of been a lousy day, very dreary, chilly, almost like autumn in the air, but it's still August, I'm in shorts, but very well could be jean weather.
I spent most of the day filling out forms for social security disability, guess I'll go that route since my medical condition is about good as it's going to get, my thoughts are straight, but the way I convey them is sooo mixed up sometimes, doc says i have bona fide "expressive aphasia" and it would not do well with patients or their families if the nurse can't talk straight, and i finally admit it to myself, I cannot learn the new technology as far as charting, record keeping goes, every company has different software and try as i might, i can't get all of it, and the secretaries are younger and less patient with us old foagies, and get very tired of me asking the same questions...i know, take notes, I do, but then i can't even understand my note taking, and something new comes up every single day, and if i ask them to "show" me how to do it, they just rapidly click away and do if "for" me, don't take the time to let me learn, let me write it down, they aren't patient and i guess if the truth be known, I wasn't very patient in my 20's either, and we had NONE of the technology back then. So, I'll be happy with emailing, learning to blog, shopping on the net, when i forget how to put my credit card in, it's time to hang that up toooooo, dread, dread....AS far a Twitter goes, i am not learning how to tweet, heck with that, i am slowly learning facebook, keep adding people who request me to, but then can never find them again, and i only will add people i actually know, i don't want to be friends with friends friends that i've never met, or with other people, that is just too much out of the box for me, but actually, i have found a lot of people and they also have found me, many from my past and that is a good thing,
anyhow, I digressed....back to the social security thing, whooooa, i was going to apply by my 62nd birthday, Justine did the calculator for me and though you get less monthly, you are way ahead for the total if you live long enough, it would take 10 years to get what I'd loose monthly, and with disability it's right up near where it will be at 66, then i guess what you'd get at 66 takes over....so, my income will be limited, (no more Christmas presents for you) but if i live in a place that either is section 8 (god forbid) or rent according the income, i'll be good to go !!!!
and, then, I have a plan, to do something for cash on my own, that does involve people, and i will tell you about that in an email directly so others can't snoop and find out my idea, cuz it's good, really good, and it's mine, (if I remember it) long enough to do it !!! I did tell one person, so between the two of us, we may remember it...lol maybe I'll write it down to be safe !!! but, i might put the paper in my underwear drawer or with the ice cream, then what?????
but, i have a new car, all the furniture I need, except a stove and fridge, and plenty of clothes, so i'm good for the next several years, i even have the salad bowls my friend, Marcia, gave me in the 70's and use them every day, along with the little tree made from tiny pine cones....see, i told you, the other day, I "keep" everything good, though i'm not a horder.....but things that my friends gave me, everytime i use them, i think about my friends....Jim didn't give me a thing, he will soon be out of my memory again, fuck him!!!!! that's not a bad word, the -f- word, it's man made, so it's not bad, i don't use GD or JC, those would be taking the Lord,my God in vain, so I'll opt for fuck, fuck, fuck, its perfect when you think of it, fuck you! fuck it! that fucking dog !
"fuck me" sexily or FUCK ME ! STERNLY, when you make a mistake, many uses for that word, and no need for confession either.... actually, its a German word, i forgot what it means, i'll think on it for a while, but it is Universal tooo.
like the middle finger, or SUSHI everyone all over the world knows SUSHI !
Elvis is universal, like Madonna, God, Barack, Harley Davidson, when one says them, everyone knows what your talking about.... like Illinois, best place to get welfare !!!!
Oh, my gosh, I thought i lost this, but it saves itself in a draft, then you click edit and away you go again...
so, are you having a lot of sex? i'm not, but hope you are and that it's good and fun, it use to be for me too, but since Stan doesn't like me anymore, that is over too, now all i do is hear him snore, listen to him bitch and man, does he ever bitch a lot, at Lauren, at the dog, at me, and sadly at himself, so i don't have to bitch at all, he takes care of it all.
I'm thinking of writing Jim a final letter and telling him off, why the hell did he ever come back into my life? what was that about, he's a narcissist (egocentric) only cares about what he wants, when he wants it, the way he wants it, now he is with a retard, a slob,a woman who allows her 28 year old to shit/piss his pants, doesn't clean or do dishes...well, good for him, he can keep living right out of his car, but hey, he "thinks" the sex is good and is worth it...well, its time for him to grow up, he's 63 this saturday and fat and will probably die soon, so he will die alone, without a friend or his children, who he's also turned his back on, at least i wasn't around long and life will go on for me, i can't figure out why this is bothering me so much, but trust me, on September 1st it's a new month, thus new adventures waiting.
does anyone out there want to loan me about $4,000.00, with interest? so i can please move the heck out of where I'm not wanted, with my stuff and find a place of my own, in Ottawa, close to my friends in Streator, near the boys ( grandsons) and my wonderful daughter?????
Otherwise, I'll be here till mid winter, with the snow and ice, and miserable every day i see Stan and listen to his negativity. he stopped taking his antidepressant, and Ginger is still dying, so that's not good, it's too slow and depressing when he goes out there, but he is going Labor Day week end again, so will be in a really foul mood, isn't that weird, foul for mood, foul for a ball that goes awry, fowl for chicken or turkey, weird, weird language we have...but, i still could use some money. Maybe I'll take my pretty ass to one of the train stations, put on sun glasses and hold out a can.....could be someone will put money in it....Sandy, where are you when I need you??????
Well, i'm going to close, wrote this earlier tonight, before i got to the land of nod, will read my love book for a while, at least someone is getting some in that, what a fairy tale !!!!!
it'll be better tomorrow, maybe, for tonight though, I wish you happy dreams, a peaceful nights sleep, and that someone makes you sausage/biscuits to greet you in the morning... sunday a.m. should be our days, for women, that is !!!!!
So, adieu for Saturday night, wish i had a date !!!!!
Winstons Mom, as always....
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Day 3
Friday night, the week end looms ahead and what plans do i have for the week end???? none at all, i went to the dentist this a.m. got my tooth fixed, have another appt tues a.m. came home, chatted on the net with my gf, who will remain nameless, cuz her dtr had a fit with me, says i should "not" use names in this blog, i guess i lack blog etiquette, so I won't use anymore names, only an initial, but it's my writing and just for me, but i don't want to be on anymore lists, another friend, has criticized my writing, my use of small caps and poor punctuation, but hey, this isn't going to be submitted to a teacher, nor will it ever be prize winning, just for me, and for those of you who enjoy what i write, I am sending it to those that I "think" will enjoy it, or link them to the site if they ask, and there are those of you who wrote and emphatically praised my writing, laugh and enjoy it....and i thank you for that, the others i will not send it to, cuz they didn't see the humor in it, the beauty of my thoughts, just as they are !!! so, it's off the list for them !!!!!!! and onto my rambling for tonight. Are you here with me?????
so, today is a sucky day, i came home and winston and i slept the afternoon away, he snored, he also got a new hair do today, so, he's very peppy tonight, brought charcoal in from outside to eat and made a mess on the carpet !!!
Soon enough, it will be just he and I and the 2 cats, living alone, and the dilemna is ::::: Where or where will that be? If you get this, you can give me some suggestions, I have come to really like it up here, in suburbia, but can't afford it on my own, unless I become a MADAME or something illegal, and I actually have no girlfriends up here in Steppford, my real friends are in places i am not attracted to live in....certainly not Streator, not grand ridge, the kids are in Ottawa, but so is Jim and that failed as fast as it began, his loss though, i didn't have one thing to do with that, but he is still the same o, same o, hasn't grown up a bit, hasn't seeked out help for his dysfunction which is severe co dependence, anxiety and guilt, and i won't deal with that, took care of mine and won't inherit anothers, at least it was only 3 weeks, he's chosen to stay with a bible thumper, right to lifer, mom of a retard who is herself a retard, doesn't clean house or do dishes, Jim is happy with all his belongings in his car, so no one takes or uses them...cleaning the house, doing any dish so he can have a drink, but, gets regular sex from her, so it's okay with him, talk about still being 17 instead of 62 ! So, enough of that, it's over and it didn't cost me anything this time, thats a big improvement !!!!! He gets his kicks from giving a woman a ride, asking her to take her clothes off so he can look, which the sicko's do, then dropping them off, he will get rolled or come to a violent end, we'll read about him in the obituaries....and his son, doesn't even know me, but chooses a relationship "with" me instead of his father, wants to stay away from the dysfunction, so i'll take a surrogate role there.... JIM AND SABINA ARE A MATCH MADE IN HELL and they can stay there !!!!
So, now for a positive note, I love you, if I send this to you, I do love you, your a good friend, and you've been placed in my life for a reason, as a gift from God, and you and i have many years of health in store for us, and sharing, and coping with stuff.
I did come up with an idea for a new career change today for myself and my friend, L, who will be in Illinois in 2 weeks or so, and it's a really good idea, with a lot of need and will serve the masses, but I can't say yet, cuz she asked me not too, but as soon as we figure out a name for this, we will tell you, and you can then spread the word, trust me, it's an eye opener and will be a success and we don't "have" to work for others, can work for ourselves and be free to do what we know is right for others, and pays for itself !!! Believe me, after all these years, I actually came up with it, can work for myself, no other bosses, cuz i don't do well with the corporate world, the "go with the flow" world and I've worked for a lot of foreignors and cheaters in my life, so it's a grea idea !!!!!!!!!!
we will need a website, anyone have any experience with that?????? i don't.... we don't need any start up money, it's purely a service business and we have the knowledge to do this !!!!!
So, it's exciting...my current problem is where will i live? and where do i get the money foryet another move????? i am so sick of packing and moving, it just makes me ill to even think about it again, I would love to just walk out of here, leave furnture and stuff and move into new...why can't people just trade stuff every few years??? Of course, i "need" my school report cards, y kindergarten diploma, my old Life magazines, that is good "stuff" guess i'm sure my dad's daughter, lol and proud of it !!!!!!
Today I heard they called "stan, the man" at an old high school he taught at, I've wondered where his baggage came from, and this is just part of it......i can't seem to do well with men for the long run, I like em, they like me, then poooof !!! it all stops !!!! But can't let that get me down, cuz I have learned we were never meant to "live" with them full time, we don't "think" the same way, they have very limited thought processes and outlooks, why the heck do they figure mileage per gallon every single fill up? i don't get it, I need gas to drive, I drive, wherever i want/need to go, thats the end of it....don't you????
and they "won't " ask for directions unless they need to go potty, need a snack, need something......we pull right up to others and just ask, pure and simple....and why won't they use that little road in the middle of an interstate, they really "think" it means emergency vehicles cuz it says "emergency vehicles" only, that is soo silly....why drive down the road when it's right there for a U turn,
see, i truly ramble here, but these are my true thoughts at this time of night, if i didn't discover this place I would never write them down, and take them to bed with me, this is better, i figure it out here and sleep like a babe !!!!!
Tomorrow is Saturday, that means i forgot to take winston to his obedience class tonight, shit, completely forgot till right now, Like this stuff belongs in my blog !!!! brother....bear with me here, what is the word blog short for anyhow? Where did it come from? different than a short story....remember short stories..... What i did on my summer vacation" gosh, i made those vacations up, we didn't go on a summer vacation, but i didn't want to be different, and i always got an A on the papes, guess i will confess to that, probably was a venial sin back then...
Bless me Father, i made up lots of short stories about vacations i never had, guess the nuns didn't have them either, cuz they believed a lot of crap, gave me good grades and i never even saw the places i wrote about.....brother. !!
Guess i could have gotten paid to do travel logs !!!!!!!!!!
Well, its time to close, Stan is distracting me, he's sitting in here, asleep with his mouth open, like a dead person, maybe i should check and see if he's breathing....if not, what would i do with him???? he's never even told me, so, guess thats the end of it, and ginger can't talk and tell me what to do, and lauren is only 12, shit the bed !!!!
Good night my friends and readers, i'll be back tomorrow night....
Winston's mom
so, today is a sucky day, i came home and winston and i slept the afternoon away, he snored, he also got a new hair do today, so, he's very peppy tonight, brought charcoal in from outside to eat and made a mess on the carpet !!!
Soon enough, it will be just he and I and the 2 cats, living alone, and the dilemna is ::::: Where or where will that be? If you get this, you can give me some suggestions, I have come to really like it up here, in suburbia, but can't afford it on my own, unless I become a MADAME or something illegal, and I actually have no girlfriends up here in Steppford, my real friends are in places i am not attracted to live in....certainly not Streator, not grand ridge, the kids are in Ottawa, but so is Jim and that failed as fast as it began, his loss though, i didn't have one thing to do with that, but he is still the same o, same o, hasn't grown up a bit, hasn't seeked out help for his dysfunction which is severe co dependence, anxiety and guilt, and i won't deal with that, took care of mine and won't inherit anothers, at least it was only 3 weeks, he's chosen to stay with a bible thumper, right to lifer, mom of a retard who is herself a retard, doesn't clean house or do dishes, Jim is happy with all his belongings in his car, so no one takes or uses them...cleaning the house, doing any dish so he can have a drink, but, gets regular sex from her, so it's okay with him, talk about still being 17 instead of 62 ! So, enough of that, it's over and it didn't cost me anything this time, thats a big improvement !!!!! He gets his kicks from giving a woman a ride, asking her to take her clothes off so he can look, which the sicko's do, then dropping them off, he will get rolled or come to a violent end, we'll read about him in the obituaries....and his son, doesn't even know me, but chooses a relationship "with" me instead of his father, wants to stay away from the dysfunction, so i'll take a surrogate role there.... JIM AND SABINA ARE A MATCH MADE IN HELL and they can stay there !!!!
So, now for a positive note, I love you, if I send this to you, I do love you, your a good friend, and you've been placed in my life for a reason, as a gift from God, and you and i have many years of health in store for us, and sharing, and coping with stuff.
I did come up with an idea for a new career change today for myself and my friend, L, who will be in Illinois in 2 weeks or so, and it's a really good idea, with a lot of need and will serve the masses, but I can't say yet, cuz she asked me not too, but as soon as we figure out a name for this, we will tell you, and you can then spread the word, trust me, it's an eye opener and will be a success and we don't "have" to work for others, can work for ourselves and be free to do what we know is right for others, and pays for itself !!! Believe me, after all these years, I actually came up with it, can work for myself, no other bosses, cuz i don't do well with the corporate world, the "go with the flow" world and I've worked for a lot of foreignors and cheaters in my life, so it's a grea idea !!!!!!!!!!
we will need a website, anyone have any experience with that?????? i don't.... we don't need any start up money, it's purely a service business and we have the knowledge to do this !!!!!
So, it's exciting...my current problem is where will i live? and where do i get the money foryet another move????? i am so sick of packing and moving, it just makes me ill to even think about it again, I would love to just walk out of here, leave furnture and stuff and move into new...why can't people just trade stuff every few years??? Of course, i "need" my school report cards, y kindergarten diploma, my old Life magazines, that is good "stuff" guess i'm sure my dad's daughter, lol and proud of it !!!!!!
Today I heard they called "stan, the man" at an old high school he taught at, I've wondered where his baggage came from, and this is just part of it......i can't seem to do well with men for the long run, I like em, they like me, then poooof !!! it all stops !!!! But can't let that get me down, cuz I have learned we were never meant to "live" with them full time, we don't "think" the same way, they have very limited thought processes and outlooks, why the heck do they figure mileage per gallon every single fill up? i don't get it, I need gas to drive, I drive, wherever i want/need to go, thats the end of it....don't you????
and they "won't " ask for directions unless they need to go potty, need a snack, need something......we pull right up to others and just ask, pure and simple....and why won't they use that little road in the middle of an interstate, they really "think" it means emergency vehicles cuz it says "emergency vehicles" only, that is soo silly....why drive down the road when it's right there for a U turn,
see, i truly ramble here, but these are my true thoughts at this time of night, if i didn't discover this place I would never write them down, and take them to bed with me, this is better, i figure it out here and sleep like a babe !!!!!
Tomorrow is Saturday, that means i forgot to take winston to his obedience class tonight, shit, completely forgot till right now, Like this stuff belongs in my blog !!!! brother....bear with me here, what is the word blog short for anyhow? Where did it come from? different than a short story....remember short stories..... What i did on my summer vacation" gosh, i made those vacations up, we didn't go on a summer vacation, but i didn't want to be different, and i always got an A on the papes, guess i will confess to that, probably was a venial sin back then...
Bless me Father, i made up lots of short stories about vacations i never had, guess the nuns didn't have them either, cuz they believed a lot of crap, gave me good grades and i never even saw the places i wrote about.....brother. !!
Guess i could have gotten paid to do travel logs !!!!!!!!!!
Well, its time to close, Stan is distracting me, he's sitting in here, asleep with his mouth open, like a dead person, maybe i should check and see if he's breathing....if not, what would i do with him???? he's never even told me, so, guess thats the end of it, and ginger can't talk and tell me what to do, and lauren is only 12, shit the bed !!!!
Good night my friends and readers, i'll be back tomorrow night....
Winston's mom
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
